Indenial for a While
by 2 kool 2 spell 'kool' right
Summary: "Because when you break a promise, you also break a heart." It didnt have to end this way, did it? And it all started with a simple suggestion from my mother to visit the park. Dark themes, eventual Cargan.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N- So this idea hit me in a dream. No joke. Oh, I wanna give a big big big thanks to my awesomest biffle sleep twin Cheeky Brunette for encouraging me to actually to this. And also for Countrychick67 for helping me a bit with this...I love the two of you so this is dedicated to the you both!**

**I dont know if this is exactly what you were all expecting when you first read the summary, but give it some time and trust me it will get alot better, and in the end you'll see that the whole story line comes together, and it'll be worth the reading! :)**

**This story will mostly be from Logan's POV, if otherwise I'll tell you.**

**Disclaimer- I dont own Big Time Rush.**

**Chapter 1**

It all started with the simple suggestion when I was 15 from my mother that I go visit the park. Little did I know it would end like this. It didnt have to end like this, it didnt have to end the way it did. The mental institution, the rehab, all the unfound drugs and weapons. The disputes that are not yet settled, and the secrets that are still to unravel. And it all started, with a simple suggestion from my mother to visit the park.

My bags still left half packed, I scurried out of my new home, zipping up my jacket. The weather was much colder here in Minnesota then it was in New Jersey. But I assumed I would have to get used to it. I guess I wasnt too fond of moving, but I wasnt too worried about making friends and fitting in. But little did I know, what I was really in for.

In the small town's park, dirt blew in my face as I manuvered through unpatched and rigid areas of grass. The park was for the most part abandoned, and not a pretty sight. Im guessing I wont be spending too much time here.

But then there was yelling. And in the distance, there was a blurry sight, but I could make out yelling, and a few boys that looked around my age. As I approached closer to the scene, I had felt a sickening and unwelcomed feeling in the pit of my stomach as the sight unraveled before my eyes. Maybe I shouldnt be here.

But, instincts took over, and as soon as I saw someone get stabbed, I absent midedly called out, "Hey!"

_Shit._ Bad move. I always have to get involved, dont I? Clamping a hand over my mouth, I watched as the tall blonde who was involuntarilly shaking another boys shirt collar dropped him to the ground, and grabbed the Latino, pulling him closer.

I bit my lip, trying to make out what he was whispering to the shorter Hispanic, and soon a shiver went down my spine when the blonde pointed to me and the blood smeered shorter fellow came happily skipping towards me.

"Hey!" he hopped up and down, seemingly happy, even though he was all cut up and dirty.

"..Hi.." my response was unsure, and cautious. I eyed his shorter figure gingerly, then bit my lip, cocking my head.

The opposing boy glanced back at the blonde, who him and another boy with longer brown hair kicked the young man on the ground, mouthing something to him, and then swung his attention back to me, "Hi..uhm..your name is..."

"Logan."

"Logan..right. So uhm..you new here?"

Licking my lips and folding my arms, I nodded, growing suspicous, yet scared at the same time, "Yeah. I uh..just moved here..from New Jersey." I added.

"Oh..well uh.." as if trying to distract me from the scene infront of us, he grabbed my shoulders and lead us back more towards the playground and we stood talkng behind it.

"Im Carlos," he chimed in, "Well uhmm..."

As seing he was sent over here to distract me, Carlos ran out of words to say. Perfect timing for the other two boys to approach us. The blonde boy wipped his bloody chin, pulling himself together, and clamped his hands at his sides. The taller brunette stood over me, walking in circles around me and nodding his head.

"Uh..hi." I greeted.

He retaliated by shoving my smaller frame to the ground.

"James!" the blonde one snapped.

James clapped his hands together, and gave me a hand back up. He nodded a few more times, popped his gum, then spat on the ground. He looked me in the eyes, "What's your name?"

Intimidated, I took a step back. But only to be caught by the blonde, "Uh.." I stuttered, "Logan."

He purced his lips, nodding again, "Logan, heh?"

I nodded slowly.

"So uh..Logan, buddy, buddy, buddy..You're in the wrong place at the wrong time." He spat, pure venom and sarcasm dripping from his every word.

The blonde grabbed my shoulders, spinning me around, "Look. I dont know who you are, but-"

"He's new here!" Carlos abrubtly interrupted, "He's from New Jersey. And he's new..he doesnt know any better." he muttered softly.

The blonde boy nodded in understandment, "Well," he put out a hand and I shook it, "My name is Kendall. Welcome to Minnesota."

Now confused, but deciding to go along with it, I smiled shyly. Kendall went on, "Where ya from again?"

"New Jersey." Carlos repeated.

Kendall nodded, exchanging a nod in understandment and agreement with James, "Tell me Jersey kid, what grade you in?"

"Im a Junior."

"You attending the high school here?"

"Yep."

James and Kendall smiled, "Well.." Kendall ducked his head, "Youve got alot to learn about this town. This town isnt safe. This town isnt nice. The kids arent safe. The kids arent nice."

James and Kendall exchanged a glance, then walked away for a second, leaving me with Carlos. The shorter teen just bit his lip staring at me and rocking back and forth on his heels. Soon enough, the other two boys returned, and Kendall grabbed me by the shoulders looking at me in the eyes, "Like I said, this place isnt safe."

Kendall's got to be messing with me. Trying to scare me into thinking this town isnt safe so I'll cry and then go back to where I came from. I know how the new kid trick works. Im not stupid.

But the look in these guys' eyes and the tones in thier voices begged to differ. Something told me they were serious.

"But," James spun me back around, "Dont worry, we got your back." he smirked.

Taking a step back, I raised a brow at my newly found 'friends', "Uh..how?"

"Well," Kendall began, "The kids here arent gunna like you. And if anyone wants to mess with you, we'll just step in and protect you... Because, well, nobody messes with us." he chuckled at the last part.

Dumbfounded, I gave the three boys a look in confusion, "Why does noone mess with you?"

Kendall put his arm around me, "You've got alot to learn."

Taking his arm off me, I took this into consideration. Maybe I walked in this town with alittle too much confidence. Back in New Jersey, I was prone to bullying, and after what Ive heard about this town, I think Im gunna need all the protection I can get.

"So you guys will really protect me?"

"Yep," James nodded, then put his arm around me, "If.."

"If?"

Flipping his hair, he pointed to the bloody boy on the ground across the park, "If you dont tell anybody what we did to that boy over there."

**A/N- So obviously this is slight A.U. Only slight, but you will be hearing from other characters soon. Such as Jett, Jo, Camille, Mercedez, Gustavo and others. But thier roles will be alittle switched. Even if your not a fan of AU stories, please stick with this, it will be great I promise. Review please?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ohmygosh, I got so many fantastic reviews! Thanks guys! :)**

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Groaning, I rolled over and sighed. Letting out a huff, I rubbed my eyes, sighing in defeat when I read the time. 6:00 AM. Too early.

I felt a sickening twist in the pit of my stomach, knowing from what I heard yesterday, I could be in for anything today. On the verge of vomitting, a sudden thought hit me. I hadnt unpacked my alarm clock yet.

Maybe my mother had picked up one at a store and set it up for me, I thought. It did seem like the kind of thing she would do. Groggy, I stood up and entered the bathroom, letting the warm shower water run down my aching back. Scenes from yesterday flashed before my eyes. The boy...what was his name? I think they mentioned it being "Jett" or something like that..he was stabbed. And I witnessed it. Yet, I was expected not to tell anyone? I had a natural guilty consiounce, and didnt think I could pull through with it.

But, I had promised, and vow to keep my promise. Even if the guilt eats me alive. I will admit, yes, I was scared. I mean, sure it's normal for kids to be nervous on thier first day at a new school, but this...This was diffrent.

"This town isnt safe. The kids arent safe."

Making my way down stairs, I swallowed hard. My mind was doing that thing again where it acts up and gets me super paranoid, thinking about things that arent even going to happen, getting me extremely worried, then usually results in a random panic attack.

I stirred a spoon, mixing sugar into my coffee, then nearly dropped it at the sound of the doorbell. You can say Im still not used to the new door bell.

Rolling her eyes at my spaz attack, my mother answered the door. As soon as I heard the goofy voice from the other side, "Is Logan here?" I swallowed hard.

I rushed for the door, lightly pushing my mother away, and squeaked out, "Carlos?"

He nodded.

Dumbfounded, "What are you doing here?"

"Hey, come on! We're gunna be late!" After hearing James' familiar voice, I peered my head out the doorway and blinked at the other boy from yesterday.

The younger Latino put his arms out, as if I were the crazy one, "Well, you comin to school or what?"

Wincing, I grabbed my bag, nodding goodbye to my mother, and followed Carlos down my front steps.

James and Carlos greeted me with a warming smile, but pure venom and sarcasm glowed clearly through James' smile. He didnt like me, it was obvious. But I assumed I needed these guys for protection, and they relied on me to keep thier secret.

But the guilt was eating me alive, and I felt the need to just burst. This probably wasnt going to work, I've never been very good at lying or at keeping secrets. I usually panic under the pressure then freak out and spill everything. I can already tell how this was going to work out.

My thoughts were interupted when Carlos snapped his fingers in my face, "Logan!"

I snapped back into reality, "Huh?"

"I said, did you like the alarm clock I got you?"

Stopping dead in my tracks, my mouth fell open. My hands fell to my sides, and I could only stare, dumbfounded.

"What's wrong?"

"That was you?" I croaked out.

"Yep," he nodded, "You like it?"

I raised a brow, "How exactly did you get it in my house?"

"Oh, I climbed through the window." He stated it plain and simple, like it was just easy and totally normal to sneak through my window in the middle of the night. Almost as if kids in this town did that kind of stuff all the time...maybe the guys were right, this wasnt a safe town, and Im going to need to learn to adjust.

"Carlos!" I burst, "You cant just sneak into people's houses in the middle of the night!"

He stared at me as if I were the insane one again, "Why not?"

My mouth dropped, incapable of saying anymore. I just shook my head, "Nevermind."

Eventually, we stopped at a small, poor looking house with a patchy yard. Carlos hopped up the steps, and I paused, confused.

James scoffed, then shoved me, "It's Kendall's house, stupid."

I nodded, then walked up the stairs, feeling James' burning stare at the back of my head. The door swung open, and I met face to face with the blonde.

"Ah," he nodded, "Logan..nice to see you decided to join us on the walk to school today."

"Well I really didnt have a choice.." I muttered under my breath.

Raising a furry brow, "What was that?" his voice was sacrastic, tinted with a slight attitude. He had heard what I said, loud and clear, but was testing me. I see how it works now.

"Nothing." I smiled sarcastically back in return, and Kendall grabbed his bag then headed out the door.

The walk was pretty much silent, Kendall and Carlos whispered something in eachothers' ears every now and then. Then James began whacking me in the back of the head with his water bottle.

Rubbing the back of my head, I turned to face him, "Ouch?"

He just stared for a few minutes, then whacked me again. "Stop that." I demanded.

He pursed his lips, thinking for a moment, then shook his head, "Nope." he hit me again.

"James," Kendall turned around, snatching the bottle from the brunette's hand, "Knock it off."

James sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets. Carlos and Kendall headed off infront of us, leaving me and James walking side by side a few feet behind them. I glanced at the taller boy a few times, then finally wound up enough courage to to speak up, "Why do you hate me?"

He didnt bother to make eye contact, "Who said that I hated you?"

"James, I can tell you dont like me. Just tell me why."

Still keeping his eyes on the pavement infront of us, James shrugged, "I dont know..'cause you're short."

Picking up my pace to keep up with James, I blinked, "Carlos is shorter than me."

He nodded, finally meeting eyes with me, "Yeah but see, here's the thing. I dont hate Carlos." And with that, he walked ahead of me, leaving me mind twisted.

...

Kendall, Carlos, and James waved goodbye to me as we entered the school building, and I headed towards the main office.

Inside the office was colorful. The set up was confortable, and the walls were plastered with posters that urged us to "achieve" and "reach for the stars". Obviously half the children in this building did not follow those terms.

At the front desk sat a blonde girl, who looked around my age. She dressed in fancy clothing, and sat with her feet propped up on the desk, filling her nails. The plauqe on the desk read "Mr Griffin", and her gold necklace read "Mercedez Griffin" so I assumed she was the principle's daughter.

"Hi..uhm...Excuse me?" I greeted shyly.

Irratated, she glanced up from her nails and shot me an annoyed look, "Can I _help_ you?"

I winced, "Uhm..yes, Im new here."

She smiled sarcastically, "Good for you." then continued her beauty works.

I blinked, this was going to be difficult, "Uhm..can I have my schedule?"

She threw her head back, as if I was asking her to climb Mount Everest for me, "Fiiiinee," she groaned, then stood up, "What's your name?"

"Logan Mitchell."

After rummaging through some files, she whipped out a paper, and slammed it on the desk, staring me straight in the eyes, "Listen kid," she stated clearly, "You, are a NOBODY here. So you better get that scared look out of your eyes before you fuck yourself over."

I glanced down at my shoes, "Kendall was right. People here are pretty mean." I said to myself.

She heard me, "Kendall? As in Kendall Knight?"

"I assume thats him. He hangs out with some Carlos and James.."

Mercedez interupted me, "And Jett. Until well.." she trailed off, "Last night.."

I stared at her for a few seconds, biting my lip. Awkwardly, I rocked back and forth on my feet.

"What happened to Jett?" I asked straightforward.

She stared at her nails, bitting her lip, "I dont really know. Police say he got stabbed. Must've been a random attack, by like..a hobo or something."

I felt like I was going to vomit. She didnt know the full truth, "Oh.."

"So how do you know Kendall Knight? He like a family friend or something?"

"We met yesterday at.." I hesitated, not knowing if I should mention the park incident, "..at the mall. He promised to protect me."

"Oh..well in that case then," she handed me the schedule, "Here's your schedule, cutie." Then winked.

I walked off to my first class in a daze. Mercedez obviously didnt know that Kendall and his crew stabbed Jett. And these guys were expecting me to cover up for a _murder_? I couldnt do this. This wasnt right. I was going to be sick.

I glanced down at my schedule. Chemistry. Perfect. My favorite class outta get my mind straight.

**Muwahaha. So whatcha thinking of it so far? Love it? Hate it? Should I just erase the whole thing and retire from fanfiction then go live in a cave somewhere off the Pacific Coast? Lol. Review please! Love ya's! :)**


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